Defining...

There are moments throughout your life that seem to have huge impacts, dare I go so far as to claim they define you?  These moments define who you are going forward from that point, they are a shadow of who you used to be, they point to your heart and your training, they are an arrow towards your beliefs.  I would love to claim that all of my life "defining" moments have been encouraging and/or uplifting.  Now, don't think that they have all been bad either!  When I reflect and consider all I have seen, though not very expansive, I feel like I can count more positive impacts than negative, and for that I am grateful!  I would put towards the top of my list following my Savior at a young age, marrying my husband, and having our daughter (there are many many more on this list, but I find it absolutely impossible to not be changed by these experiences).  The many positive life changing experiences I feel like I've had make the negative ones seems eternally loud in my mind...so much so that they often haunt me.  One of these happened this past weekend.

Barring a long story and numerous details that replay in my mind, our adventurous daughter fell a very short distance and hit her head.  Initially, what seemed like just a run of the mill bump on the head quickly turned very scary as she went limp in my arms and her eyes began to roll into the back of her head.  Blessedly my husband took her from my arms and began rubbing her body and cradling her, encouraging her to continue breathing, and blessedly she regained consciousness within the minute that seemed like an eternity.  (We obviously took her to be evaluated and she checked out okay, but upon regaining consciousness she was inconsolable for about 20 minutes, which at that point we were just happy she was alert and breathing.)  Thankfully, the Lord has protected my sleep and kept me from reliving some of these moments in my dreams.  And thankfully, He saw fit to spare our daughter something much worse and provided us with knowledgable friends immediately present to lend support and encouragement.  For this I will always be grateful.

And for this, I will always be changed.  The flood of emotions and feelings in that minute is almost indescribable.  The initial panic, the adrenaline rush that pushed all other possibilities away, the slight relief accompanied by intense concern and watching, the subconsciously held breath to finally be followed by the exhale, the let down of intensity, relief.  All the while, a little nudging in the back of my mind reminding me that she is His and He cares for her more than we do.  Comforting on the one hand, and scary on the other hand.  I've always wanted to be the kind of parent that holds their children with an open hand, loves them unconditionally and tries my hardest to show them the love God has for them.  I want them to know that they are first, and foremost, His children.  But I selfishly want all the time with them I can get, and in those moments that I was not entirely sure she was breathing, my mind scattered to a million places- there's so much more she doesn't know, more she hasn't seen, open hands, what the heck just happened, is she having a seizure, is she breathing, open hands, get to the door, did I miss something, did she hit harder than I thought, open hands...

This is still too fresh for me and my husband.  It will take some time for us to process and digest it and tuck it away.  But to say we will walk away unchanged would be like saying the sky isn't above out heads.  We are exceedingly grateful that everything has had a positive resolution and we are exceedingly thankful to have this spunky little daredevil in our lives and hearts.  We love her more than she knows.

1 year

Dear baby girl,

You are now a 1 year old!  You are becoming more of a toddler than the little baby I remember from so many of these past months.  Though I remember those days (mostly) with a smile, I do miss them!  But, I am also looking forward to witnessing the person you are becoming daily, tantrums included!  It has never ceased to amaze me how you have learned things so quickly and discovered your surroundings; how the daredevil in you comes out in the weirdest times, but you are overly cautious at other times; how we've always had to work a little bit to get you to laugh but how much that laugh brightens our house; how it seems impossible that you can be 1 already but it also seems like you have been in our family forever!!

The past year has been a whirlwind at times and crept by unnoticed at others.  There is nothing I would change about this past year with you.  I've tried to soak in every moment I've had knowing that this precious time will only go by faster as you get older.  Those creeping days, I have enjoyed and intentionally have taken slow.  Do I remember exactly when you hit certain milestones? No, but I remember how excited we were when you smiled the first time, when you figured out how to roll over, how proud you were when you ventured to crawl those first few inches ever so cautiously.  Even now, how you will stand unassisted for minutes, but caution kicks in and you sit before you take a step.  There are moments emblazoned in my memory from this past year and most of them include your smiling face.

There are times I catch myself wondering who you will be, how you will face the world, what kind of career you will choose, and much more.  Though I truly look forward to finding out all of these things, I hope and pray that you will ultimately love the Lord with all of your being and that you will follow His path for you.  He has great plans for you, little one, and I pray daily that what I do today with you will prepare you for what He will do with you one day.

Know that you are loved by many, sweet girl.  You are a bright spot for many in our family.  You have learned lots over this past year, but you have also taught us all more than you will ever know!  I am truly blessed to call you daughter!!

Love you always,

Mommy

11 months

This kiddo is growing way too fast!  It's hard to believe we are planning a birthday party!  Some fun things that she is doing so I don't lose track- she leans in for hugs and makes the kissing sound, but can't quite figure out how to kiss...she will sign for more and all done (especially at meals)...she lets the dogs out every morning whether I want them free or not...she loves to dance to a good beat...she can stack up to 3 blocks...can climb the stairs (and scare me!)...eats pretty much anything we offer her so long as we are eating it too...she still only has 2 bottom teeth, still 2 naps a day, still size 3 diapers and kinda fitting 9-12 months clothes better...love "Mr. Brown can moo, can you?" and "Goodnight Moon." She is definitely a little sponge!  She will crawl everywhere, and pretty quickly at times, but still no walking (totally fine).  She is quite attached to her blankie and 2 wubbanubs (lambie and Tony the Tiger), but those generally only come out at nap time and bedtime.

We are definitely looking forward to the festivities in the next couple of weeks and know E will at the least enjoy all the food!  And at the end, she will finally get to taste some cake!  Now if I can just get her to blow a little harder she might be able to actually blow her candle out!

9 and 10

The last 2 months have flown by!  Once we started getting close to holidays, things got so much busier than normal!!  I mean, it could be that some little person decided she wanted to move around the whole house...nah!

But seriously, this kid is everywhere, all the time, into everything.  We have "safe" drawers in the kitchen that I will steer her towards when I'm cooking and lots of toys that migrate around the house.  Thank goodness I have kept up with her baby book because I cannot keep up with when she started doing what anymore!!  She is so inquisitive and seems to be connecting lots of dots!

In October, we took our annual "just us" family vacation and went for half of a week to Chicago.  B spent a very short 24 hours there last year (for work essentially) and wanted to go back since he didn't get to see anything.  It was the perfect time for us!  The flight went really well, E totally enjoyed the tall buildings and people watching and the museums were impressive!  We actually want to go back again because we missed some things still!

We did a little trick-or-treating for Halloween and E was an owl.  She seemed to love being dressed up- totally a girl!

Then into November.  She turned 10 months in November and we celebrated by introducing her to thanksgiving food!  She was a huge fan!  Sweet potato casserole and mac'n'cheese seemed to be her favorites, but she ate everything we offered her!

A week after thanksgiving we went to Greenville to celebrate B's sisters marriage!  Everything turned out beautifully and the bride and groom couldn't stop smiling!  E did great all day as well, she got to hang with the big girls all day!  Needless to say, she enjoyed exploring!

The World

E and I were able to join my family in September on a vacation to Disney World (B was unfortunately working!)!  Though I debated this trip at times and put a lot of thought into it, I'm glad we went and we had a great time!  E is, thankfully, pretty content to ride around in her stroller and the baby carrier and was very fascinated by everything new to see.  She handled the crazy schedule fantastically and would nap in the stroller when she just couldn't possibly look at anything else.  She thoroughly enjoyed her time with her cousins as well!  I most definitely could not have done the trip without all the extra adult hands and older kid hands to help!!  And my biggest goal was for her to not get sick- mission accomplished!  It was a busy but fun week!  She was totally thrilled to see daddy and her doggies when we got home, but I believe she had a great time too!  I'll let some pictures tell the rest...😊

Wind blown😁

People watching with Papa while some of the big kids ride a roller coaster 

Imagination station- my favorite place to play!

It's a small world...she looked like she was watching a tennis match on this ride!

Barking at some of the many ducks...she thought thinks every animal is a dog😝

The safari ride in Animal Kingdom just before the zonked out in my lap!

8 months (and some random stuff)

This little turkey is 8 months old!!  She has been such a joy and blessing to me and B!!  It's hard to imagine our lives before this spunky little thing happened to us!!  She has been a awesome baby and continues to roll with whatever we throw at her!  

She went to her first Auburn game this month and did great!  We have headphones to muffle the noise and after a few minutes of them on, she cautiously pulled at one side and held it off of her ear.  After a few minutes, she pulled the whole thing off and didn't want it back on!  Around halftime she started "yelling" as well and would throw her arms up for touchdown when prompted.  So, I think in general, she likes football!

My increased time at home and wi her has been well spent this month!  She is prepping us for toddlerhood as she is already trying to get into everything, despite her inability to really move on her own!  I believe crawling is coming as she goes from sitting to hands and knees pretty easily now, and is somewhat successfully going from belly to sitting (sometimes she ends up just rolling around as she misjudged her actions).  If she gets close to something reachable, she will pull up to her knees and continue to try to get on her feet...we are going to be in trouble!!  The most she moves right now is backwards when she attempts to crawl (she gets pretty frustrated when this happens) and she rolls around a ton!  I would say one of her favorite things is the jumperoo- she will jump for 20-30 minutes straight if she's really into it!

The biggest thing for this girlie is the emergence of teeth!! Last weekend, we felt the leading edge of a tooth and a couple of days later the other one was well on its way too! At times, she acts like there may be more trying to nudge through, but I've seen no evidence of them yet.  She been a trooper too! A little clingy, but not really that fussy.  She will constantly rub her tongue across those teeth and sometimes get this really confused look like she can't get food out of her mouth!  Other times I'll hear her smacking her mouth really loudly as if she's trying to chew her teeth up!  Poor thing can't figure out what's going on!

A few other things of note, she will wave hello (and at times sound like she is trying to say hi), she will put her hands up for touchdown, she will "bark" at the dogs and still tries to feed them her food, she babbles a fair amount (b,d, g, m, and l sounds so far- some more than others), she loves playing with the dogs and they are particularly gentle with her when taking a toy away, she LOVES puffs and is starting to only want to feed herself, she will still eat most anything I offer her (ie- beets and cottage cheese, zucchini has become a favorite too!), she still isn't a fan of the sippy cup but we keep trying.  We continue to try to do some sign language but nothing seems to be sticking yet.  She is still in 6-9mo clothing, size 3 diaper, 3 meals a day and 4 bottles, 3 naps, and bedtime around 7:30-8.

7 months (!!)

We are officially past the half year mark and moving ever closer to that first birthday! For some reason, this month, that has been more apparent to me...there are glimpses of toddlerhood in this child and I'm slightly dreading it (for many many reasons)!!  Thankfully there are still many things that have to happen before we get there and I will be soaking up every moment!!

This past month for us was actually really nice.  My work schedule changed (for the better) and life seems a little less stressful and hectic which is HUGE!  This little girl seems to enjoy the changes as well!  Although, she is quite the flexible child so long as she is fed and entertained!  One of the toughest things lately has been the beginnings of "attachment" issues, for lack of a better term.  She generally goes to other people fine for a short period of time, but then she is looking for me (except at daycare where she is too wrapped up watching the other kids and playing).  And many times at home, she will get panicked and upset if left in a room by herself for more than a few minutes.  I think some of this will change once she realizes how to move...then I will have a shadow!

Thankfully, E appears to be wanting to chew!  Despite her lack of teeth, she will chew really soft baked sweet potatoes and seems somewhat successful with apples today!  This excites me so much as I will be able to pack the blender up soon!  I will still coarsely purée some of her foods, but the soft mashable stuff will be cubed! Woohoo!! She has also explored some new flavors and seems quite taken with cinnamon (in her oatmeal, apples, and sweet potatoes), nutmeg (in pears), and I've let her taste basil, mint and ginger while I've been cooking- all of which she seemed to like!  She's also doing a TON better at successfully getting food into her mouth on her own! 

No real stats this month and nothing has hugely changed about her schedule.  She has had huge struggles with daytime napping but some of that has gotten better with my schedule change.  I'm thinking once she starts moving she will be too worn out to resist!  Every once in a while she can't handle staying awake as it is😉  She surely seems like she is going to be quite a rascal, but we are definitely enjoying watching her make connections and learn new things!!

6 months

This little nugget is 6 months old!  I can't believe how much she has grown!!  She is doing new things daily and is turning into quite the ham!  She can sit on her own (just started out of no where this past weekend), she is discovering her tongue, loves watching the dogs and finds them quite funny!!  She is eating 3 "meals" a day and loving it!  She is not one to turn down a meal!  (She even likes to try to feed herself- read she cries when you take the spoon away from her! But she does get it in her mouth!). She has also started holding her own bottles😉

She is turning into quite the traveler as well.  She has made it to the beach this summer and this past month we made a trip to Decatur for cousins birthdays.  So long as she is fed, she seems to handle the car trips pretty well!

Her laughs are contagious and undoubtedly end up giving her hiccups!  She also has some moments where she has quite the attitude flare up!😳. She is definitely learning how to tell us when she is unhappy!

Weight 15lb4oz

Height 25"

Diet- 3 meals of baby food and 4 bottles

Favorites- peas, the dogs, sitting up, spitting (making raspberries)

Dislikes- the snot sucker (I mean who doesn't hate this), being dressed (as most kids she would rather be naked)

Catch-up

So, clearly life got a lot crazier after I went back to work in April!  We are closing in on having a 6 month old!!  Craziness!!  

This kiddo has brought so much joy and laughter to this house!  The last 3 months have shown a blossoming personality that is so fascinating and hilarious!  Her 3rd and 4th months went by so fast and she started really interacting a lot more.  Her 5th month has been even more interactive as she starts trying to move and get what she wants!

She is noticeably ticklish on her feet and neck, loves it when the dogs walk up to her but will turn her head quickly if they try to lick her face, she rolls from front to back and back to front, she attempts to army crawl and seems to be on the verge of moving, she blows raspberries (seemingly when she wants attention or is frustrated), she is eating some sort of food three times a day (favorite food so far seems to be peas of all things), and she is working on her sitting skills.

It is really pretty amazing to watch things click for her.  She has noticed the dogs for a while, but only recently have their antics actually made her laugh.  She has observed us doing many things (like spinning a toy) and then figures out one day how to do it herself.  I am soaking up these days as every time I turn around something else has changed! 

She has stayed fairly consistent with her weight gain and growth (as of her 4 month appointment) and continues to be pretty on target for outgrowing her clothes!  I have the hardest time packing up outgrown clothes for some reason!  Although, there are some outfits that I am excited to see her in this fall!!

We went to visit family in May over Memorial Day weekend and had lots of fun!  The cousins couldn't seem to quite get enough baby time and we had quite an interesting anatomy lesson by a 3 year old!!  This was the first decent road trip we planned and it seemingly went off without a hitch, and we didn't even pack the kitchen sink!

We had a family vacation to the beach in June and she had quite the time!  Boat rides, sand, and ocean...she didn't quite know what to do!  Honestly, initially I think she wasn't a huge fan (life jacket required on the boat, sunscreen was like torture for her, and the ocean seemed to scare her initially), but by the end of the week she settled into it and seemed to enjoy laying on a beach chair with her bottle!

Looking forward to this sweet girls half birthday in 2 weeks!

2 months old!

This kid is growing too fast!  She has passed the 2 month mark and continues to eat like a champ and grow like a weed, despite having a bad run in with RSV and now reflux.  She is interacting a lot more with us and her surroundings.  She loves her play mat and bouncy seat.  She is learning pretty well how to let us know when she doesn't like something!  She also has the sweetest smile! We are seeing a lot more of that smile regularly!

I will be returning to work in about a week, so we are in transition mode as we prep her and us.  It will be interesting to see how it all goes to say the least!  We've been working at having her on more of a schedule and breaking the swaddle since she will be in daycare.  Now that we are getting a better grip on the tummy issues, I hope this becomes a little easier!

By the looks of her you wouldn't tell, but her 2nd month started out pretty rough!  She had RSV and was attached to a nebulizer machine for almost 2 weeks (every 4 hours most of that time).  Blessedly she responded well and she was spared some of the complications.  She did have some pretty worried parents though and a couple of pretty pitiful weeks!!  Once she started feeling better, the medication made her one jittery mess!  So needless to say, we did a little happy dance when we were able to finally stop treatments!  After that run in, we hibernated for a little bit waiting for that magical 8 week mark (and shots).

Weight- 9lb 7oz

Length- 22 3/4"

Food- the dairy farm called mom

Clothing- still 0-3 month but some are getting short! (Diaper size 1)

Favorite pastime- playing on the playmat and in her bouncy seat (blue monkey is her favorite), watching the sunlight move through the (though she is not a fan of actually being in the sun)

First month

It's hard to believe our little nugget is a month old!!  It has been a crazy month but a good month!  Steep learning curves for the parents and lots of tolerance for E! In general, she is quite a good baby and maybe a little spoiled!😉  She is quite a trooper and takes most everything we throw her way!  We have done a little traveling already to see great grandparents and she handled it like a pro!  She has also tagged along to a couple of restaurants when mom and dad have gotten too stir crazy!  And amazingly, the dogs don't seem to bother her much at all!  They bark and lick her and she rarely even flinches!

She is more conciously smiling at us (when we make utter fools of ourselves).  She has let a few coo's out this past week too.  She still sleeps the majority of the day, but this past week she has had slightly more awake times and is more focused on her surroundings.  She seems to like tummy time and does not seem to like being left alone (she's a big fan of baby wearing).

This last month has been one of the most rewarding times of my life.  It has been pretty awesome watching the gradual transformation from newborn to more infant-like.  Yes, there are sleepless nights.  Yes, the growth spurt week felt like I constantly had a baby attached to me...but then I realized some little girl was not fitting in her newborn clothes anymore!  And goodness, this kid can run you out of the room!  (It's actually really funny, I had assured Brian that nursing baby diapers weren't nearly as bad smelling as he was thinking...well, shes's surprised me!)

A couple of stats for my own sake- (pregnancy brain extends beyond the pregnancy people):

Weight- 9lb 7.5oz

Length- 22 inches

Clothing- all 0-3 months (in the last couple of days! Still NB diapers but about to bump up to size 1)

Food- eating every 2-3 hours from 6am to 9pm, then generally every 4 hours overnight (still no set schedule per se, but we do generally go to bed around 10 and get up between 6-8)

Favorite pastime- peeing on mommy during diaper changes (this has ONLY happened to me so far!)

The Great Hair Exodus

Okay, so everyone knows that during pregnancy and postpartum a woman's hormones are going crazy! Up, down, cycling around and around...and this causes all sorts of body changes (not to mention to help sustain the pregnancy and grow a person, then help you feed said person).  I was pretty aware of the hormone changes and their potential effect on my body during pregnancy.  Some of the effects I didn't see until after birth and some a realized before...like the linea nigra, so didn't notice that until after my belly deflated (and I actively looked for that because the possibility weirded me out)!  

But one of the biggest indicators of these hormone shifts has been my hair.  Thick and lush during pregnancy, plenty to pull up and style, I mean a serious amount of hair.  Now, it commonly seems like all of my hair is trying to abandon ship at the same time! I could probably save the falling hair and make a wig for when I am completely bald!!  No, really, all exaggeration aside, I knew this would happen, but there is no preparing yourself for those first few sleep deprived showers that end with a huge wad of hair in the drain! (And the continued loss even weeks out!)

Otherwise, the hormone shifts are pretty amazing...I mean, you grow a person on the front end and then everything jumps into gear to sustain and provide nutrients for this tiny person.  Some of my own body reactions have surprised me and made me laugh to an extent.

January- Part 2

We spent 4 days in the hospital and then we were home! I could not have asked for better care in the hospital, but there is something refreshing about being home!!  I have truly been blessed as my recovery has gone quite smoothly! The pain has not been too bad and easy to manage and moving around has not been terribly difficult.  Probably the worst part so far was when we discovered I was reacting to all the adhesive that was on my body- talk about wanting to be knocked out!

We made our way home, now a family of 3, and got settled in and readjusted some things in the house since my activity was kind of limited at first.  We have been very blessed to have family that was able and willing to come help out!  Not having to think about the next meal all the time has been huge!  We have had to venture out a couple of times for weight checks for EG, but she somewhat quickly returned to her birth weight and continues to eat like a champ!  We have managed to settle into a night time routine too (somewhat).  This stir-crazy momma has gotten out a couple of times after EG was sufficiently bundled up and covered up, but nothing too crazy and always in the "hottest" part of the day.

We have definitely been blessed with a great baby though!  She eats and sleeps pretty well.  So far she seems to have a good grasp on day and night. Rarely startles when there are loud noises (or barking dogs)!  And is generally content wherever she winds up!  So far her favorite thing to do is to pee while I'm trying to change her diaper.  She has done this to me 5 or 6 times now, but she hasn't done it to anyone else!😝. She's had a couple of baths and seems to not be a huge fan yet, but she does like the warm towel at the end (I mean, who wouldn't).  She has smiled a couple of times already (started around day 10 and was wide awake) and she has been known to laugh a little in her sleep (which is hilarious)!  We are eating up every moment with this sweet girl!

We also had some newborn pictures done when she was about a week old.  We went with a local photographer (Cooper and Co) that our neighbors recommended and could not be happier with the results!  E slept almost the entire time and tolerated all the baby posing without a fuss!  And the photographer did such a great job capturing such sweet moments!

It's hard to believe how fast the time is actually going by!  It makes me a little more thankful for the sleepless nights we are having right now...although there have been a few times I have begged her for 20 more minutes!  But the early morning "chats" are my favorite times!!

January 2015- Part 1

So the new year came and went for us.  Due to my ever growing belly, we were unable to travel during the holidays and both of us had work around Christmas and New Years, so we stayed close to home (or should I say the hospital) and did what we had to do.  My off days were consisting of trying to finish the last few things in the nursery and sleep as much as I could!  Work was becoming challenging and I had an episode around 35 weeks that sent me to the ER (even though I fought that decision by the nurse on call).

I had been having really regular Braxton Hicks and contractions at work and had done everything they told me to do to try and get them to stop without any success...so into L&D for 2 bags of fluid (in addition to the almost 70 ounces of water I had gulped during the day)...several hours later I was heading home still having contractions but less consistently and they weren't causing anything.  (Side note- almost everyone had been expecting me to deliver early, including my doctor.)

So, after that fun trip, I continued to contract daily with some increasing intensity but no progress.  At one of my regular appointments, I was measuring behind and they wanted to double check the baby's growth via ultrasound.  Thankfully, her growth was fine (actually was ahead) but we discovered this little kicker was wrong-side up (breach).  So, everything sort of changed from there on out.  It became a game of watching the contractions closely and if my water were to break, I was instructed not to waste any time getting to the hospital.  So we proceeded to watch the belly (and me) like a time bomb and went ahead and scheduled the c-section.

So, fast forward a couple of weeks.  (Every time I go in for an appointment my doc is somewhat surprised I still haven't gone into labor.)  My last prenatal appointment was the Friday before the c-section (on Monday) and still nothing too exciting happening.  I have decent contractions most of the day Friday but nothing to write home about.  Brian and I go see a movie and have a date.  We ran down the list of the few things we still needed to finish that weekend before Monday and have our weekend set with family coming in town and such.  Despite being 39+ weeks pregnant, I was still managing to sleep almost through the night with very few potty interruptions, so when I had to get up a few more times than usual Friday night, I attributed it to something I ate or too much to drink at bedtime...but then I was awakened at 6:30 in pain.  I went to the bathroom again, thinking that was the problem. Then I proceeded to grumble under my breath and attempt to get comfortable...at which point I started tracking the contractions.  Despite the different nature of these contractions I still didn't believe them (neither did B at first), so I drank a little bit of water and started to attempt getting ready for the day (since I clearly wasn't going back to sleep).  After I brushed my teeth (with multiple interruptions) I woke B up so he could track things while I was in the shower...which didn't help at all (the shower actually made the contractions more intense).  This whole time I am calm and not very vocal about the pain, so once I got done with the shower and told B I was calling the doc on call, he got up to start getting ready.  As he walked into the bathroom I was hunched over having a contraction and quietly cussing and mumbling under my breath.  He stopped in the doorway and said something along the lines of- yeah, okay, so that's pretty convincing.  A quick call to the on call service and within 30 minutes we were heading in.  Thankfully, no water breakage but man do contractions hurt! 

After they called us back and got us checked in they started pre-op and paperwork and then the lovely epidural!!  It was quite the odd sensation, but I love medical advances such as this!!  After B was convinced to be dad, things were well underway and soon we heard a rather robust cry! EG was born at12:05pm weighing 7lbs 9oz and 20 inches long.  We discovered during her birth that she had bounced around enough inside to tie a true knot in her umbilical cord.  To say I was relieved and thankful for her safe arrival would be an understatement!  We are incredibly blessed by the gift of this little girl in our lives!!  From moment one with this child, God has answered so many of my prayers and disbanded my fears!

Welcome to the world, EG! 

2014 in review

This was quite the year for us!!  Lots happened at the beginning that pulled us in different directions. Work was chaotic for me and B as we were still figuring out the differences here versus B'ham.  So in recap between our crazy work lives we...

Winter:
Went skiing in Colorado

Spring:
Saw the Lion king at the Fox with family (awesome show! Highly recommend it)

Summer:
Went on a cruise vacation (told everyone there was going to be a baby Thompson in the new year)

Fall:
Football, football, and more football

"Baby moon" to Highlands, NC

Winter:
Lots of sitting and waiting through the holidays

The face of the earth

Ever feel like you have just fallen off the face of the earth...

You're not sure how to get back to it...you know it's there somewhere...but in some ways life is so much nicer not being there anyways...

So that has pretty much entailed my last year...disappearing into the abyss of life and work and vacations and work and pregnancy and work...

I guess now is as good a time as any to work on updates (for myself, if for no one else)!!

Happy reading for those that actually do read this!

I Protest

The signs have been made, the shoes tied, the lines drawn...I PROTEST!

The last couple of weeks have been crazy- insane- stressful- demanding- consuming- encouraging- stressful- ridiculous- sad- joyful- exciting- stressful- did I mention stressful?

I hit a moment tonight where I literally stopped and thought, "whoa, Lord, You got this, right?"  Yeah, I know, weak in faith--> that's me right now.  The amount of insanity that I have seen in the last 14 days is too much to recount tonight (though I'm totally wired due to the steroids I was prescribed), but to say the craziness has been all encompassing is an understatement.

I have seen God working through a very dear friend and her family over these 2 weeks.  The hardship they are bearing is tremendous and the attitudes they are carrying is a testament to their faith.  They have been faced with many great (as in HUGE) decisions and have been faithful to the end.  They are family, they are part of my "extended family," they shouldn't have to endure all of this yet I hear no questioning, no injury, no doubts about God's plan- only acceptance.  Struggle- yes, emotional- yes, faithful- absolutely, prayerful- always.

And yet, I protested...

I know this world is full of suffering in many unexpected ways.  But to walk through such difficulties with such a friend is...heartbreaking.  Though I feel blessed that I have been able to walk along some of this journey, it has been hard at times to face the reality that they too are facing (granted, yes, to a lesser degree).  Watching them along this roller coaster has been hard, but the hopeful moments and encouraging moments outweigh the suffering as we continue to get glimpses of recovery.  Being able to witness God moving through this family has been something to behold and partake in...frankly, I am changed because of this.

And yet, I continued to protest...

Work in general has been a little more stressful than usual over the last several weeks, but the last week has skyrocketed out of sight.  We have become very short staffed and I still don't know many other coworkers here, so it has been quite challenging to fill our schedules up.  Funny how the Lord provides and His timing is always perfect.  Thankfully, a student has some rather unexpected free time over the next couple of weeks, so that will only leave me with small holes to plug in (so hopefully we will stay afloat).  But the entire situation has brought great struggle and sadness for me.  This has truly brought me to my knees repeatedly.  The stress of looking forward puts me quite on edge and probably close to a panic attack; hence, I must constantly remind myself that He had a plan for this immediate time and He has one for the future (I just don't know it yet, and that's okay).

And yet, I continued to protest...

You see, I think I can handle things on my own, even when God clearly has orchestrated things in a way that I cannot deny and can take no credit for at all.  Yet, I protest because it hurts to accept His will sometimes.  It hurts to follow His plan sometimes.  It hurts to watch others following His plan for them sometimes.

It has taken physical pain (a couple of random infections attacked me this week) for me to stop and actually realize that my heart has been walking the picket line protesting these last couple of weeks.  It has been an off and on journey...first the shoes were on, then off, then on again, then off again...it took me to this afternoon to realize that so many things have been orchestrated beforehand to the point that I couldn't have planned it better...so why am I going to worry about the next few weeks, months, etc?  What good will it do?

So, tonight the shoes are off, the signs are gone and I'm still.  I want to be able to continue to help my friend and her family, I want to be able to be relaxed at work again (as much as I can be at least), I want to be able to encourage those around me, I want to be a vessel- He is the Potter, I am the clay- and may He continue to mold me as He sees fit.

Don't Hog the Covers

I realized something the other night...I have become a cover hog.  Now, in my defense, this habit has come out of necessity as my dear, sweet husband would rather burrito himself in the covers.  But it feels as if it turns into a constant sleep struggle of us both trying to stay covered throughout the night.  It struck me too, that this is often how I respond in relationships.

I struggle to constantly remain covered and protected, shielded from others judgments and comments. I am afraid to be hurt, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid that I may not be accepted for who I really am, afraid that the glass walls I have surreptitiously put up around me will come crashing down.  I want to throw my hands up and cry, "Why Lord? Why?"

Because this isn't IT...HIS plan is still ahead of me...I am still learning to wait on Him..

Talk about feeling vulnerable and exposed.  Oh, to grab a blanket and cover up, but He always sees through that cover, through my motives and my feeble attempt of manipulation.  Come to think of, I must be pretty humorous in my attempts to get my way, but that too is a cover-up.  A cover-up for my lack of faith.  I'll be the first to admit that being open and vulnerable is HARD, but I think it is hardest to be that way with yourself.  To truly evaluate your motives, thoughts, feelings, etc, and to discover if they are glorifying to God...whew!  There goes the covers...I only hope that I can subdue my knee-jerk reflex to yank the covers back over myself.  Though I know there is nothing that can be hid from the Lord, to lay willingly exposed before Him...how freeing that would be!!  We were made for HIS glory and may I always think on that!!

A New Drum Beating

For many of you that know me, you know I was in the marching band in high school. (Yes, that means I have a ton of stories that start "one year at band camp...")  But putting that aside, I learned a ton in band (and through music in general) about myself.  And these lessons continue to show up even today.  Marching band taught me about internal beats, feeling the rhythm, being instep with said rhythm and beat (and everyone else on the field), and learning to move as a unit.  We were competitive, so if anyone was out of step or moved when they weren't supposed to, it affected everyone.  It was a team effort and we always approached it that way.

I've disappeared the last couple of months because we've been marching to a new beat here in Georgia.  It has taken a lot of getting used to and I'm constantly finding that I'm not "in-step" or I've missed the beat all together, or better yet, I'm marching in the opposite direction!  Throughout all the craziness of the move and new jobs for both of us, I have had to listen very hard for the new beating that is going to be our lives for a while.  There are times I feel like we've hit our stride and we are both in sync again...then we have one heck of a crazy work week and I don't even know what "song" we're playing anymore.  But, if I ever learned anything from my musical years, it is practice and persevere because the end results are by far worth the sweat that goes into it; not to mention, hearing the completed song after so much work is awesome!

So, to sum up the last several months, B and I have worked...a lot (he claims its less hours than last year, but I don't know that I entirely believe him); we have worked on the house...a lot (still have a lot more to do, but it's winter and I can't handle any amount of cold...I should be a bear so I can hibernate through all of this); we somehow managed to see all of our immediate family over Christmas (just short of a miracle considering neither one of us had time off); somewhere in the few evenings we actually share at home together on a weekly basis, we have managed to have somewhat consistent dates (brownie points for B as he has planned most of them).  When I write it out, it doesn't look like much, but I took on the project of painting the basement...with my work schedule and normal house maintenance "stuff" it took me a little over a month...and I don't paint super slow or anything.  But making the basement our own space has made a HUGE difference in this house feeling like HOME!  It sounds crazy, I know, but moving into an older house where people have painted and done things the way they wanted, you almost feel like an impostor in the very house you just bought.  The fun (and kinda bad) is that we have plenty of house projects to last us for a while, we are just having to pace ourselves.

In the mean time, I am constantly trying to find my "quiet" place to be able to relax and feel that all to familiar internal beat that drives us all.  There are many times I have gotten too caught up in what needs to be done and how it is going to get done.  I want to be able to savor the moments God offers for reprieve and not be continuously caught up in the busy-ness that surrounds me.  I still find great comfort and solace in my music and will never be able to put it aside.  There something centering about it for me.  I have also discovered that when I am generally feeling out of step, I am generally not trusting God's plan for my life (I know, surprise).   Admittedly, I am not a big lover of change, and these last several months have been full of it.  Thankfully, I knew it was coming and God clearly had a master plan for all of it to come together the way it did.  However, I continue to learn to trust Him daily as my future unfolds; though I have no idea what it may hold, I know it must be good because He love me.

Hopefully, I can keep up with this a little better despite all the random schedules and home projects, etc.  No one ever told us it would be easy; and thankfully, neither one of us ever thought any of this would be easy.  We walked into our relationship, this marriage, and this move with our eyes wide open knowing that we would be working at spending time together, working on our relationship, working towards our goals, and working on the house to make it our home.  We are tremendously blessed and thankful.

So far...

So it's been a little while since I've updated here.  It has been a little crazy and disorienting, but good none the less.

- We are currently staying with some friends in their spare bedroom.  I move this weekend and B will follow in a couple of weeks

- When I say move, I mean move in with my parents (for a little bit)

- We are working on more permanent living situation in the mean time

- This will be my last week to work here in Birmingham!  This whole process has been a little bittersweet. So many things have happened for me here and I have many fond memories that will go with me.  I'm sad to be leaving some great coworkers and friends, too!  I know that will be the hardest part!

- I am, however, looking forward to starting this new chapter in our lives and seeing what God has in store for us!  There is definitely a level of nervousness and anxiety as I start a new job and start getting incorporated into a new community, but I'm excited as many things have fallen into place already!

- We have a lot more things coming up!  This brief stay our friends house has been a fantastic respite before more craziness comes our way!:). A lot of it will be fun and excited, but trying to balance new jobs for both of us, weird nomadic living situations, and trying to secure a permanent place to live and all that entails means lots of thought and prayer (as well as being wise with our finances)!

We are hoping for a seamless transition and I am hoping my first couple of weeks of work go well.  I will be fighting the dreaded traffic and driving an hour each way!  This makes me a little nervous, but I do have the audio books of Narnia downloaded and intend to get some "reading" in!:)