The beginning of it all

(Written a couple of weeks ago...go figure why it wasn't ready to post until now...hehe)

So, for those of you that know me, this weekend will be somewhat big for me!  I'm so excited to be making this life commitment to this very special man.  We have had quite a journey so far!  I have to thank my brother-in-law for introducing us though.  He always seemed to be keeping an eye out and God's timing is always perfect!  Funny how you can generally only realize this once you have discovered something in His plan at the right time.  Too soon and you wouldn't appreciate it fully, too late and you might ignore it completely.

I struggled for many years with my singleness.  School occupied much of that time and was a welcome distraction; but when there were down times, those struggles could not be ignored.  Many of my friends walked with me through these times and were a huge encouragement.  I remember many times driving on road trips or just long phone conversations that consisted of my venting and essentially complaining about being lonely.  I knew I was never truly alone, but I so deeply desired a partner to share this life with, someone to struggle through with, rejoice with, cry with...there were many times it seemed rather hopeless, to be completely honest.  But I realize now, my hopelessness was a huge lack in faith and a huge focus on myself.  It's no easy task to try to be content when you have such strong feelings to share your life with someone else. 

Many times I tried to reason away why I was still single and sometimes I even went down the guilt road of maybe I had done something wrong, so I was being punished.  None of these were true, of course.  I just live in a world of reason...action and reaction...consequences.  I needed to know why.  This is still the hardest thing for me to swallow, but I won't always know why.  I have to believe (and do believe) that God was sparing me heartache.  I believe he was also sparing me even harder times...but these beliefs still don't tell me why.  I may never know, I may never want to know to be completely honest.  So many things are beyond me and I want to rest in the knowledge that He knows. 

Ironically, when I was younger (elementary age through early high school) I said that I would finish college, get established in a job and then get married.  Somewhere along the line that plan changed in my mind.  (It makes me smile to think about this.)  It's crazy to me that I am following a "plan" that I seemingly knew was the right one when I was 10.  If I had only listened to my young self from then I might have saved a lot of frustration!:)  But that has all worked to get me where I am today, made me the person I am today...and I'm willing to bet there is at least one person (outside of myself) that wouldn't want it any other way.

**I clearly wrote this prior to the big day and am grateful I had it to reflect upon in light of my last week and a half.  I am so wholly blessed by the man I married.  I want nothing less than to share our lives together, laugh together, cry together, adventure together, savor what God has granted us in our life together.  I can imagine no other person better suited for me than the man God placed before me a little over 2 years ago.  I saw his heart then and continue to see it as we journey through this life together.  I love this man, wholly and unconditionally, and so strongly desire to reflect Christ's love to him and to others through our marriage.   As we spoke our vows a little over a week ago, my heart rejoiced in God's plan for us, for Him granting me someone so like minded and encouraging...someone God has been grooming me for and him for me.  God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me as Brian and I settle into our new life together.

This man I will always love.

This week

It has been one relatively crazy week for me.  Lots has been done and accomplished; yet, still lots to do.  I still find humor in so much of this.  Better to laugh at life than to let it give you an ulcer!:)

1. We received a "not attending" response card this week- with no name on it...we will truly miss you:)

2. My nephew got kicked at school (on purpose).  The other child was made to tell him "I'm sorry" and my nephew replied "that's not enough"

 3. I got these bells for my back door- in an attempt to train the dogs to ring them when they needed to go out.  At first, it made them terrified to even go near the door.  Then one started barely nudging them so you could hear a very faint noise (VERY faint).  Somehow they have transitioned to practically pulling them down in their urgency to let me know they need to go!!

 4.  I thought I had killed these two plants last year due to too much sunlight and complete exposure through this (very mild) winter.  Apparently I still have a little bit of a green thumb!  Just hope it actually blooms!  Love these plants!

 5.  This one made my day yesterday...ever wonder what 15lbs of M&M's looks like?  I mean really, what dream world would a kid be in...15lbs?  And how does that get to you?

The M&M's are packaged in a thermal sack with layers of bubble wrap in between each pack of M&M's.  Mars takes their candy shipping seriously!:)  And yes, there is a reason for the color scheme...the explanation will have to wait!

On to the rest of my night...thank goodness for weekends!  I might yet get something accomplished...forget the fact that my house is currently upside down!

Reclaiming

It is always such a chore to reclaim my house after a few days of work.  My motivation ebbs so badly on work days to keep any semblance of order and then my off days often seem consumed by cleaning, laundry, errands, you name it!  I find it best to throw in a little diversion on those days...lunch or dinner with a friend...a movie...a nap.  I've also found that I clean more efficiently if I have background music...until certain songs come on and then I generally find myself slowing down to listen and absorb.  One such song will reappear in April and has been such a great song of reflection for me during the last couple of months.  It always reminds me of Who I should truly seek.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou me best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul's Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven's joys, O bright Heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

This song always brings me back to earth, not matter what kind of frenzy I find myself in.  It's too easy to get overwhelmed by everything I still have to get done.  Instead of the list shortening, it seems to be growing.  But I know it will all get taken care of in due time and that I don't need to focus on that aspect of my life, ever.  It only distracts me from what is truly important. 

Rainy days...

...are the best nap days!!I've gotten some things done today (mostly small annoying things) and then decided to snooze a little while it was raining.  I most productive use of my time on an off day!  Then I woke up and kept thinking of everything that is still left to be done...remember I Dream of Jeannie?  Or Bewitched?  A simple nod of the head or twitch of the nose...*sigh* that would be nice sometimes.  So, off to cooking one of my go to dinners and maybe getting a little more motivation to actually accomplish some more this afternoon?  Yeah...sure...why not?

Signs of Spring...

This weather has me completely thrown off, but loving it!  Things are blooming way too early, but it has be totally ready for the spring!!  It seems like a lot of minor details are left for the wedding, so I allow myself to get distracted by the bird chirping aimlessly outside, the many buds on my plants, and just sitting outside for a little bit (until I start sneezing).

I was terribly excited to see my day lilies sprouting up and have had to fuss at the dogs for nibbling on them (u can see some shoots in the back that have been prematurely shortened).  Note, too, the fresh mulch (thank you Brian), but the dogs have also learned that it is fun to chew as well!  Can't wait for the grass to come back in- they may have to be supervised at all times outside when that happens!

Ada got a little nosy

So glad to be getting things done and moving forward!  Still quite a bit to get done in a short period of time, but I'll let the hints of spring distract me a little more!  It has been good in a sense that I really want to clean out the house with a good spring cleaning!  That notion could not have hit me at a better time as more space needs to be created! (Amazing what 1 person can accumulate in the span of a couple of years.)

A weekend...finally

I've been ready for this weekend for a while...why?  I have no idea.  There's still plenty to do and lots of running to do, but I'll have some time at home.  This is probably one of the last weekends I'll have almost completely free to do what I want until after April.  Somehow there just doesn't seem to be enough time, ever, and the weekends sometimes make me feel like I've managed to catch up a little bit (even if it really is only a miniscule amount).  I've wondered what the next couple of months will be like and what they will bring.  I know most everything I am prepared for...I also no there will be some things I am completely and utterly not going to be expecting (that makes me stomach flutter).  I don't want to be completely nonchalant about things, but sometimes that approach is appealing:)  So, my attempt this weekend is to remain sane...finish the flowers...finish some invitation stuff...programs maybe...pictures with the photographer...more notes to write...hibernation at some point...sounds like fun doesn't it?

A Weekend of Festivities

It's February, right?  I cannot believe how quickly the time is passing!!  This past weekend we traveled to celebrate our engagement with family and some friends.  It was quite a whirlwind of a weekend, but fun nonetheless!!  I enjoyed meeting lots of new people and it was so nice to see all of the love and encouragement Brian and I will have in our future together!  We definitely feel loved beyond measure!  And the weather was absolutely beautiful...the day that we left:)  Funny how it always seems to work that way!


It seems the closer we get to April, the more it feels we have to do...but somehow there is a calmness about it.  If you know me, that is a rarity when there is lots to do!:)  I have been so blessed by this man I'm marrying.  He knows how to keep me calm...most of the time;)  We have learned a lot more about each other these last couple of months and I'm ever so grateful for the knowledge we have gained.  It amazes me how much you learn about yourself when you are about to be married.  Making the transition from just me to an us is good and bad!  Good in many ways, like there is someone to help shoulder the load and be an encouragement.  Good in that we are fulfilling a design set forth by Christ at the beginning of time, mirroring His image in many ways and serving one another as He intended (hopefully doing this, as it is a learning process).  Bad in that you realize how deep your sin is rooted.  Bad in that your natural behavior is the very thing that hurts the person you love most.  This "bad" actually is somewhat of a mirror image of how our sin hurts God as well.  Through so much of my reading lately, I'm realizing just how "bad" I am and how little I deserve God's grace.  But that is the glory of His grace, it was and is freely given through the sacrifice of His son.  This cyclical thinking happens constantly in my head and brings me to my knees every time-- we are so undeserving and He is so loving.  I'm so very thankful to have this mirrored opportunity to teach me to continue taking steps forward in faith and to trust His ultimate design.  Yes, we will struggle...yes, we will face difficulties...no, we are not a perfect mirrored image- no one is, we are sinful in our core-- but I hope that we will be iron sharpening iron, encouraging one another towards Christ.