So, for those of you that know me, this weekend will be somewhat big for me! I'm so excited to be making this life commitment to this very special man. We have had quite a journey so far! I have to thank my brother-in-law for introducing us though. He always seemed to be keeping an eye out and God's timing is always perfect! Funny how you can generally only realize this once you have discovered something in His plan at the right time. Too soon and you wouldn't appreciate it fully, too late and you might ignore it completely.
I struggled for many years with my singleness. School occupied much of that time and was a welcome distraction; but when there were down times, those struggles could not be ignored. Many of my friends walked with me through these times and were a huge encouragement. I remember many times driving on road trips or just long phone conversations that consisted of my venting and essentially complaining about being lonely. I knew I was never truly alone, but I so deeply desired a partner to share this life with, someone to struggle through with, rejoice with, cry with...there were many times it seemed rather hopeless, to be completely honest. But I realize now, my hopelessness was a huge lack in faith and a huge focus on myself. It's no easy task to try to be content when you have such strong feelings to share your life with someone else.
Many times I tried to reason away why I was still single and sometimes I even went down the guilt road of maybe I had done something wrong, so I was being punished. None of these were true, of course. I just live in a world of reason...action and reaction...consequences. I needed to know why. This is still the hardest thing for me to swallow, but I won't always know why. I have to believe (and do believe) that God was sparing me heartache. I believe he was also sparing me even harder times...but these beliefs still don't tell me why. I may never know, I may never want to know to be completely honest. So many things are beyond me and I want to rest in the knowledge that He knows.
Ironically, when I was younger (elementary age through early high school) I said that I would finish college, get established in a job and then get married. Somewhere along the line that plan changed in my mind. (It makes me smile to think about this.) It's crazy to me that I am following a "plan" that I seemingly knew was the right one when I was 10. If I had only listened to my young self from then I might have saved a lot of frustration!:) But that has all worked to get me where I am today, made me the person I am today...and I'm willing to bet there is at least one person (outside of myself) that wouldn't want it any other way.
**I clearly wrote this prior to the big day and am grateful I had it to reflect upon in light of my last week and a half. I am so wholly blessed by the man I married. I want nothing less than to share our lives together, laugh together, cry together, adventure together, savor what God has granted us in our life together. I can imagine no other person better suited for me than the man God placed before me a little over 2 years ago. I saw his heart then and continue to see it as we journey through this life together. I love this man, wholly and unconditionally, and so strongly desire to reflect Christ's love to him and to others through our marriage. As we spoke our vows a little over a week ago, my heart rejoiced in God's plan for us, for Him granting me someone so like minded and encouraging...someone God has been grooming me for and him for me. God's faithfulness never ceases to amaze me as Brian and I settle into our new life together.
This man I will always love.
