I realized something the other night...I have become a cover hog. Now, in my defense, this habit has come out of necessity as my dear, sweet husband would rather burrito himself in the covers. But it feels as if it turns into a constant sleep struggle of us both trying to stay covered throughout the night. It struck me too, that this is often how I respond in relationships.
I struggle to constantly remain covered and protected, shielded from others judgments and comments. I am afraid to be hurt, afraid to be vulnerable, afraid that I may not be accepted for who I really am, afraid that the glass walls I have surreptitiously put up around me will come crashing down. I want to throw my hands up and cry, "Why Lord? Why?"
Because this isn't IT...HIS plan is still ahead of me...I am still learning to wait on Him..
Talk about feeling vulnerable and exposed. Oh, to grab a blanket and cover up, but He always sees through that cover, through my motives and my feeble attempt of manipulation. Come to think of, I must be pretty humorous in my attempts to get my way, but that too is a cover-up. A cover-up for my lack of faith. I'll be the first to admit that being open and vulnerable is HARD, but I think it is hardest to be that way with yourself. To truly evaluate your motives, thoughts, feelings, etc, and to discover if they are glorifying to God...whew! There goes the covers...I only hope that I can subdue my knee-jerk reflex to yank the covers back over myself. Though I know there is nothing that can be hid from the Lord, to lay willingly exposed before Him...how freeing that would be!! We were made for HIS glory and may I always think on that!!
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